It must be this time of year. Although the feelings are always there, bubbling around throughout time and over the years. But, it must be this time of year that they start to bubble over in a way that they have to come out. To be addressed even if in a hazy, allusive, meandering kind of way. Just last September I wrote a post about the Dichotomy of a Hot Mess Mom. Today my thoughts have been wondering around the various corridors in my mind, exploring all the feels.
Tonight, as I stood in my kitchen (late again of course) making dinner, I looked around my disheveled house. I observed the unfinished projects months in the making, the cluttered stacks of "stuff" in places they don't need to be, the pile of files from the office brought home to work on this weekend, the vision board with so many incomplete visions. I thought about the jabs and critiques of my parenting from those near and dear to me, the struggling, if not failing, friendships I have been trying so hard to not let sink, all the things I just knew I would do with my kids that time has passed by and will never be done. In an oddly smug way, I thought, dang I really really am a hot mess, but I keep trying and trying. That's when it hit me though. I KEEP TRYING.
Maybe many others have it so much more together than me, but I have to imagine plenty of us have had the feeling of sinking. YET WE SWIM.
As I stood there in my kitchen, I felt moved to share. Maybe my post will go unread. Maybe one person will read it and feel a little better. Maybe someone will smile and say to themselves, YES, I KEEP TRYING and know that we can live life in moments. We can say, I put one foot in front of the other and I kept going and that is a victory and in spite of it all, I am amazing. This is for you. Every last one of you. You are amazing. Keep going. Keep trying. When we wake up every day and put one foot in front of the other and move forward we are victorious in that moment alone.
I want to be more for these two, but I also know I continue to go on for these two. They are my why. Our why can be anything though. Ourselves, our loved ones, our furry friends. This world needs us. All of us.
By the way, earlier today my husband and I talked about creating a vision board, redoing the one that I have. I think that is a fabulous idea. In case you didn't realize, I have a bunch of unfinished projects and lists that need to be completed....
