We may feel like we are sinking and YET WE SWIM

It must be this time of year.  Although the feelings are always there, bubbling around throughout time and over the years.  But, it must be this time of year that they start to bubble over in a way that they have to come out.  To be addressed even if in a hazy, allusive, meandering kind of way. Just last September I wrote a post about the Dichotomy of a Hot Mess Mom.  Today my thoughts have been wondering around the various corridors in my mind, exploring all the feels.

Tonight, as I stood in my kitchen (late again of course) making dinner, I looked around my disheveled house.  I observed the unfinished projects months in the making, the cluttered stacks of "stuff" in places they don't need to be, the pile of files from the office brought home to work on this weekend, the vision board with so many incomplete visions.  I thought about the jabs and critiques of my parenting from those near and dear to me, the struggling, if not failing, friendships I have been trying so hard to not let sink, all the things I just knew I would do with my kids that time has passed by and will never be done.  In an oddly smug way, I thought, dang I really really am a hot mess, but I keep trying and trying.  That's when it hit me though. I KEEP TRYING.

Maybe many others have it so much more together than me, but I have to imagine plenty of us have had the feeling of sinking.  YET WE SWIM.  

As I stood there in my kitchen, I felt moved to share.  Maybe my post will go unread.  Maybe one person will read it and feel a little better.  Maybe someone will smile and say to themselves, YES, I KEEP TRYING and know that we can live life in moments.  We can say, I put one foot in front of the other and I kept going and that is a victory and in spite of it all, I am amazing.  This is for you.  Every last one of you.  You are amazing.  Keep going.  Keep trying.  When we wake up every day and put one foot in front of the other and move forward we are victorious in that moment alone.

I want to be more for these two, but I also know I continue to go on for these two.  They are my why.  Our why can be anything though.  Ourselves, our loved ones, our furry friends.  This world needs us.  All of us.

By the way, earlier today my husband and I talked about creating a vision board, redoing the one that I have.  I think that is a fabulous idea.  In case you didn't realize, I have a bunch of unfinished projects and lists that need to be completed....

2020: The year a virus brought the world to its knees.

2020

What. A. Year.

As I start this post, we’re just about 1/2 way through 2020. But, as I finish it we are now two months later about to start the next school year. That’s how 2020 has been. A year of uncertainty. An emotional roller coaster. A time when you are afraid to commit to any one plan of action or ideology.

2020. A year that started out about “vision” and “hope” and “potential.”

But, that didn’t really last long, did it? It turned into fear and sadness and a “new normal” for many. 

I work full-time. One of the curses of running a small, yet thankfully successful, business is it is so hard to take any substantial time off. Last year and this year we rallied together so that I could take off spring break with my family. My husband works as a dean for our local school district so not only would I be able to spend the week with my kids, but potentially my husband as well (I say potentially, as he was hopefully teaching for a foundation that he often does during breaks, but COVID 19 had plans to nip that in the bud.) or at least be with the kids if he could not.  We were going to go to local museums and such and just enjoy a staycation. Well stay we did. No one really knew that Spring Break 2020 was the beginning of the end of the school year. The Infamous 4th Quarter as I like to call it.

My kids left for spring break and never went back to school to finish their year with their friends and teachers. I did take that one week off, but have been working non stop since. Lay on the mom guilt (again) as my husband and kids stayed “safer at home” while I went to my essential job every day. I am thankful we were able to keep working, no doubt about that. But, I didn’t help my kids much with their schooling or work on much needed house projects or any of that. The first 6 weeks I barely slept. I was falling apart. But then, thankfully, the fear subsided. And the fear was odd in itself... not solely of the virus itself, but of the unknowns and of how a virus could literally bring the world to its knees. Now we live in acute awareness, which is both positive and negative, if that makes sense.

It was also stressful seeing all of the judging on social media. Claws out. And wasn’t two weeks to stop the spread (turning into 10 weeks+) the idea of equipping our healthcare system to deal with the virus? But even now, 5+ months later as Florida works on a path to open back up, people are angry because the virus is still here. But, I thought that was the point a bit? It’s never going to be eradicated, so let’s get ourselves better ready to handle it and by flatten the curve not necessarily lessening the number of cases just spreading them out over time? The goal less death to put it morbidly?  Florida. My family’s beloved home state. Also, the brunt of jokes. Who would want to be a leader in a time like this. I know I would not because there is no clear right way.

My kids stayed home for those 10 weeks and other than my job, my husband and I mainly just went to the store (in our masks I bought about the first week in). But we are guilty (for lack of a better word, as I don’t think we are wrong to to do so, although I know others probably do) in integrating them back into society now.  Caelyn attending her beloved dance camp. Keegan getting to attend tryouts with his soccer team (his soccer family!) the first couple of weeks of June and also starting a 3v3 soccer team for the summer. Still some remnants of social distancing and sanitizing and so on can be seen in these activities that remind you things aren’t truly “normal” yet, but a much needed glimpse of it! I am not sure if these are the right decisions, but for right now I know they are the right decisions for my family and I pray hindsight doesn’t get us. I still work every day and cannot bring my children with me. They were also starting to crack a little too.

I will say there was some good with their extra time at home. Keegan learned to ride his bike. Both kids play with toys a bit more (although we still need to work on screen time). As a family we played more board games and became obsessed with puzzles.  We went blueberry picking. We participated in a couple of Virtual 5Ks. The kids (and us) made better use of our arts and crafts supplies.

I get the fear of the virus and I get the fear of living in a bubble. I have feared both and still fear both. I wish I knew the answer. I do know I am ready for “normal” again, but I’m not sure when that will be and I hope not to regret inching towards it. As the school year is about to start, we are filled with many thoughts.

As everyone is making the decision on what their child/ren's school year will look like and declaring such, I really hope that people keep in mind that it is not a one-size fits all and just because one family chooses something different from your choice, they are not wrong just the same as you are not wrong. They are not less loving as a parent or less protective as a parent or a lesser parent in general. Kindness goes a long way...

Megan's Baby Brunch 12-02-12

I've become good friends with Megan - the "First Lady" of our Church a/k/a the Pastor's wife.  Their family feels like family to me if that is possible.  I am so blessed to have them in my life!  Megan was expecting their third child in January.  He made a surprise appearance a few weeks early in late December and is just the cutest thing!

My other other half Amanda (my bff that I work with, go to church with, and spend more time than anyone with) wanted to plan a sprinkle/brunch for Megan and AJ (the pastor) with some of our church friends and monthly bible study friends.  We decided to hold it at Beef O'Brady's here in Lehigh because they have a separate room but it would keep it simple food-wise and we'd be able to surprise Megan (she thought her and AJ were going to lunch after church).

I ordered some cute cupcake topper printables from Etsy and made cupcakes and purchased  some matching plates, napkins etc.  I had also ordered matching candy bar wrappers for favors.  I probably shouldn't admit this, but I made a diaper cake too (it was very basic and not that pretty or sturdy!). That was kind of the extent of decorating but I thought the cupcakes and candy bars were cute.  I have a thing with cutesy cupcakes and cupcake topper printables.

Why hello there, it's nice to see you again!

So I've managed to let more than 3 months pass since my last post.

Not much has happened, yet so much has happened.

I've been MIA for a reason.

Baby Lee 2.0 is due to make an arrival at the end of the summer!

I forgot just how exhausting the first trimester was with Keegan.  I hated it.  I had bad morning sickness and exhaustion and it was all I could do to go to work and come home and sleep.  I also had a husband who was home most nights at that time and no other kids to care for daily.  Well, fast forward almost 3 years and I have a husband who works lots of night shifts and a 2 year old and still the nausea and exhaustion. I will say I welcomed the second trimester with open arms! I do LOVE being pregnant, 1st trimester aside... 

This time, I am still pretty tired though.  Not like the first trimester but I don't have the energy I would like.  I'm working on it!

I am 22 weeks!  God willing, I will be crossing off number 1 on my list of 35 by 35 in August.

In the next week or so, I will go back and post things from the last few months.  Then I hope to stay pretty on top of things.  I still have to post about Christmas!  And Easter!  And anything in between....Man....

Here's a sneak peek at Baby Lee 2.0.

Here's Baby Lee a/k/a Keegan - not fully cooperating on the picture thing...

 

 

Pondering Resolutions....

With the New Year approaching, I have been pondering what sort of resolutions I want to adhere to.  The usual suspects come up: better with finances, better with health, better with time management....

It's time to get very serious with budgeting both finances and time.  I really hope my husband gets more involved with our budgeting and finances.  It's important that we both know what is going on and we are both on the same page.  Maybe now that he is graduating he will have more time to get involved in this area?  Also I want to manage my time better.  I go go go but I need to be more effective in balancing multiple things.

Then of course there is health.  I need and want to get healthier.  I know how to be healthy but sugar and white carbs call my name - oh the unjustice!  What my mind and heart is telling me though is that I need to be more vegan in my eating style (Keegan and I (and my sis the famous Aunt Kiki!) are lacto-ovo vegetarians - we will consume dairy and eggs).  I don't think I will ever be fully vegan but I want to eat that way the majority of the time.  But it also goes beyond that.  I also want to eat more whole foods, grains, fruits, vegetables, etc. and not as much processed food. I have some awesome books and other resources along this line and so I need to start reading them more and utilizing all the information.  How motivating and reinforcing it can be if I actually read and watch the resources I have access too! 

I should watch the documentary Forks Over Knives again on Netflix (instant stream) this week - it is a must see!  I also have the Kind Life Diet book by Alicia Silverstone and almost the whole Skinny Bitch collection.

This is just weighing heavy on me lately. 


Excited to get some resolutions on paper soon and start action plans!

The Start of the Holiday Season

I told Keegan last night we would go for a walk to see the lights at the house down the block.  He was so excited.  He ran and got his water bottle and his wagon of stuffed animals and was ready to go.  hahaha  His Sissy (Lauryn) was with us.  He loves his sissy. He also loves his kiki shoes and had to wear those (his Toms from Aunt Kiki).

He kept sitting on the ground and saying "cheese" because he knew I was trying to take pictures.  He'd also pat on the ground next to him for Lauryn and I to sit. I love our kids and this time of year!

 

 

 

Thanksgiving Week

We just have so much to be thankful for: Our family, our friends, our Keegan (whose birthday is just before Thanksgiving), our Lauryn, our house, our jobs, our freedom, our tangible items, and most importantly our Lord Jesus. Thanks be to God.

I have some picture of Keegan's actual birthday.  We had pizza (his favorite), a Turkey cake, and some family over to celebrate (again).  My mom and her boyfriend, (aunt) Kara,  (aunt) Katie, and cousins Craig and Connor came over.  Keegan also opened up the last of his presents.  Mainly they were the presents Jay and I got him but he also received a present from his Godmother Kelly and his teachers.  What a lucky boy!

I took a few pictures of him in the morning.  He loves his kiki shoes (the Toms Aunt Kiki got him)!  I love my boy and can't imagine life without him!

 

Have I mentioned Keegan eats pizza like a grown man?

 

 

 

If you ask Keegan how old he is, he will say "1-2!" This kid cracks me up and makes me smile everyday!

 

 

Somehow I managed not to take any pictures at Thanksgiving.  Hopefully that will be fixed for future events since I scored a Nikon Coolpix L310 Thursday night at Target (one of their Black Friday Doorbusters).





We had Thanksgiving dinner at mom's on Thursday.  Her boyfriend was in town and then it was Kara, Jay, Keegan, and I, and my cousin Andrew.  It was a really nice evening and we still have more food than we know what to do with.  This year I got the vegan loaf (fake turkey) from Trader Joe's to try.  It was pretty good and beats past vegan loafs we have purchased. I made stuffing, vegetarian gravy, and broccoli quinoa casserole.  I also purchased 3 pies from Mason's Bakery for a fundraiser they were doing for military families (along with Keegan's turkey cake).

That night Kara and I started our Black Friday extravaganza.  Black Friday, in case you didn't already know, stems from the day the companies go "into the black" (As in start turning a profit for the year and are no longer in the red).  We did our part to help. 

Now a lot of the stores open Thursday night instead of Friday morning for their doorbuster items and sales.  We went to Walmart (2 of them) and Target Thursday night.  We slept in a bit on Friday, then went out shopping again, came home and napped, and shopped the rest of the day.  It was fun, we got a lot of great deals, and I feel like I didn't go too crazy buying a bunch of unnecessary items.

We started the long weekend with Church on Wednesday and Church today.  The holiday season has officially begun!

Sabra House Party 11-10-12

www.houseparty.com is an awesome site!  You can sign up to try to host a promotional party for items.  If you get chosen, you get a package for free with various items depending on the House Party.

Earlier this year I had won a Huggies Potty Dance (pull-ups) House Party and a Lego House Party.  My friend won a Fisher-Price House Party and got over $300 in toys sent to her (cool, right?!).  I've had three other parties before this year too I think....

For the Sabra Hummus House Party, I got three coupons for free items up to $5.99 each, 13 dollar off coupons and also cards to go online and print up recipe books for the guests, an e-reader holder, a stylus pen, a bamboo serving spoon, and an apron. 

I got three HUGE tubs of hummus free from BJ's ($5.99 each so with the coupons, free). I also put out a bunch of other snack items and offered a pinterest inspired craft.

We made yarn wreaths. I supplied styrofoam wreath forms that Target had in their Dollar Days section (but I got 50-70% off!), a bunch of different yarn, and some embellishments.

 

Our "Vacation" Week - House and Ladies Guild updates

Jay had the first week of November off for his "vacation" week.  They assign the vacation time.  I took off Monday, Wednesday, and Friday of the same week.

We had plans, big plans.  First we wanted to tackle the garage.  It's not easy to maneuver around in there.  I have some appliances in there from the move that my dad was going to take.  6 months ago.  But I cannot blame the craziness on them alone.  It is so overwhelming.

We also wanted to finish hanging stuff and putting things away in Lauryn's room, organize the laundry room, and to complete our week, make a trip to Ikea on Friday.

Well, we got partially through with the garage.  Most of the way through actually.  Unfortunately, we did not grow up in the digital age.  Most of the "stuff"left to go through are the boxes and boxes of photos and memorabilia I have from childhood, along with scrapbook supplies, and yes, still the appliances.  We also have a lot of cameras to go through to sort what to sell, keep, and give away.  They are all non-digital but were really nice in their day.

I still need to organize the laundry room but I came up with the brilliant idea to use the nice fabric baskets I had in Keegan's nursery that are now replaced by bolder brighter colors.  Hopefully I will be able to post on that soon.  As for Lauryn's room, I was able to hang everything.  By. My. Self.  That was a huge feat as I normally make my dad come over and hang stuff in trade for pizza.  I do still have a huge box in the middle of her room but overall, a lot of progress.

These pictures are in progress.  I do not have any good before pictures - it was CRAZY.  The top picture has everything pulled out in the drive-way etc. 
The bottom picture is still in progress but it shows the piles we made.  The appliances are on the left and the majority of the middle is old photos etc we have to go through.  I will probably scan a lot of them.  I also want to do old school scrapbooking for those photos (which I love but have very little time for).  I plan to do digital scrapbooks mainly for the future.  I never thought I would convert to digital scrapbooks but time and money wins out.

 

Lauryn's room - minus the big "L" that will go above her headboard.  It's already painted and the last thing I need to hang. The first Picture is mid-way. I painted the picture frames and printed quotes to go in them.  I put a lot of thought in to the quotes so I was excited that LJ really loved the quotes in them.  I painted the missing "L" too, it's the darker pink with the lighter pink on the sides. It will go around the white frame above the headboard.

 

 

 

 

 

Thursday night was our monthly Ladies Guild meeting.  It was also time to put our names in for office. I am officially the new VP of Ladies Guild come January.  I am quite excited about it.  I do believe it is where I should be and I am surrounded by such an amazing group of women.  Now to make God proud :-)